A few months ago, I published an article, "Accept it, Fix It," on the site, during which I spilled my guts about the honest and genuine struggles I've faced throughout my life in learning to love my curvy body. Pressing publish was a nerve-wracking moment, as it was the first time that I had shared my inner monologue and insecurities with anyone outside of my immediate family and closest friends. At the end of the article, I challenged myself to try a few out-of-my-comfort-zone activites in order to push myself further along the journey towards self-acceptance, realizing that possessing a confidence in my body is really what I need to work on more than trying to lose weight or change my natural makeup.
My first challenge to myself was to wear high heels. I've always shied away from my height and feared the power of my presence when towering over those around me. I also consider myself a pretty chill, comfort-oriented dresser, and I am not the most graceful, so heels have also always felt a bit like an antidote to my persona. There's a certain energy about people when they are in heels that is ultra commanding, and that's always felt a bit foreign to me.
Regardless, this past spring, my mom and I decided to hit up designer Mona K (whose style and designs I fell in love with when we featured her on SLU) of A'Detacher's sample sale. I went HAM and got three pairs of heels that were worn by the models at her runway show and were hence even more on sale. I was comfortable in them for my first foray into the genre, as they still felt down-to-earth with their wooden platforms.
Since I bought them I've worn each pair a few times and, while I will admit that my sense of grace and pain threshold still leaves much to be desired, I've felt poise and maturity in the embrace of my womanhood that I've never felt before. I've also noticed a subtle difference in the way I've been treated by those around me when wearing them -- the compliments I received didn't revolve around on the typical "you look so pretty," but a surprise and amazement about my authoritative presence. While I don't think the heels will continue to make or break the sense of strength I feel towards my body (mostly because I still can't really walk in them and don't know if I'll ever fully get over my inability to deal with the pain**), I do think this challenge has opened my mind to the power that I can possess as a woman if I take command of my body instead of concealing or diminishing it.
So thank you, Mona K, for helping with this small step on this lifelong, personal journey.
*Disclaimer: The first time I wore the heels to our Music X Style party, I took them off after an hour and danced barefoot, only to realize that the shoes had gone missing. I had to go back and buy another pair... Eek!