Women Discuss Men, Round Tables
Unveiling Masculinity

Since men have already been given the opportunity to say so much for so long, the first voices that you'll hear in our month-long theme about men and their liberation, belong to women. The six females that we invited over to the StyleLikeU home for an indefatigable, uncensored discussion are as themselves in their personal opinions on men as they are about their style.

Mimi Hecht, Chassidic writer; artist and writer Beatrix Ost; student/filmmaker Ruqayyah Albaari; the professional matchmaker, Amy Van Doran; Margo Simms, performing artist; and photographer Eryn Lefkowitz get into all of the complications of manhood today, from whether or not they are attracted to men in high heels to how their fathers never cried or hugged them.

Overall, the women crave men to be emotional, to be present in their fall-apart moments, and to not be bombarded with the prototypical "fixing it" syndrome of machismo. And yet, no matter how empowered, most of the females still want to be picked and don't want to take on the pursuer role. Some want the quiet and still guy, while others are wary of a male's passivity. Then there is the question of making love: is this where giving and taking holds the truth of how a man can care for a woman despite their outer insensitivity?

Most importantly, how are all of these conflicting feelings that women have about men reinforcing stifling patterns that keep men repressed and unable to express their true selves. What is learned and what is innate in male behavior? To see and hear it all, watch our Roundtable now.

Elisa & Lily

Video edited by Andrea Cruz

Three questions for you:

1. Do you think that men who care about style are more in touch with their emotions?
2. Has a man ever called you crazy for expressing your emotions?
3. Are you MORE or LESS attracted to men when they show vulnerability?

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  • Anon

    Thank you for looking at men too! Great work 🙂

  • Arline Jernigan

    I think this has been the best discussion video so far. Of course that is my opinion. One of the things that Elisa said, and I agree with, is how important the act of sex is between a man and woman within a relationship is. That is a very deep subject. I am in a healing process from this guy that I invested a lot of my energy into. I did not think he was selfish... well I did not want to believe that he was. If I am honest, I was most concerned about my NEED for love and connection, and I failed to see the signs that were there.

    I think a lot of females do that. We all want to be loved, and we all want to feel security. It is not realistic to expect that to be fulfilled and we cant expect others to give us what we need. We have to find that within ourselves and learn how to love at depth, and allow the energies of male and female to dance together. I don't pretend to know how to do this, but I am learning.

    If we want men to be a certain way, we have to meet them and be willing to do the same.

    I have to ask myself.. What do I want in my relationship with a man? and more importantly, How do I want to be within that relationship? We cant change anyone, but we can encourage expansion and growth.

    • Arline Jernigan

      I did not mean to post that picture, I don't know how it got there. Sorry

      • Naiima

        The picture is lovely!

    • Lily Mandelbaum

      Thank you so much for sharing such an honest reply. This is the kind of dialogue we should all be having:)

      • Arline Jernigan

        Thank you for what you all do too. I think it is so wonderful on many levels.

    • Naiima


  • I think that were were a lot of interesting points brought up in this discussion, and it is one of my favourites so far, but I must finally come out and say that it is so incredibly distracting to have the sound be bouncing back and forth throughout all of the videos. I am constantly having to adjust my volume throughout and it is something that could be so easily fixed.

  • Naiima

    This was SOO powerful!..Necessary, Healing, and real! Thank you for having this beautiful well rounded talk. So amazing!

  • Lisa Thomson

    One of the best gifts my guy has given me is allowing me to cry and hurt without words. He simply holds me and allows me to express. I don't think #1 has anything to do with being more in touch with emotions.

  • Butch Princess

    Girls need to grow a pair of balls and pursue guys more. Secretly we are just a bunch of scared puppies. ALL OF US. Whether we ''acquire'' confidence or exude creativity, it should be more balanced. It's very sexist, the idea that guys should ''pursue'' girls is antiquated. Its a one sided discussion. Its sexy when both sides show vulnerability - you should be naked and honest from the beginning if you wish to avoid divorce or existential turmoil in the future. Good, interesting men in 2013 are more feminine, good, interesting women in 2013 are more masculine. Balance is sexy as fuck.

  • Being solution oriented vs. being emotional and "in the moment" is something I've discussed with my boyfriend. I don't think they are mutually exclusive. And just as was mentioned I do think women and girls are perfectly capable of solving their own problems but they crave emotional validation and have no problem experiencing a range of feelings. None of the guys in my life have yet to fully understand that. They think you have to pick and they often choose the SEEMINGLY more productive option which is to jump to the solution. Loved this chat! Keep it up girls!

  • Valerie & Jean

    What an eclectic mix of women (style, age, ethnicity, nationality)! They revealed a lot about themselves in the process of sharing their thoughts. While unveiling masculinity, they also unveiled a LOT about femininity. The divergence in their attitudes toward approaching the other sex (some would NEVER approach a man, while others were confident enough to do so) appears to corollate quite closely to their experiences with husbands and fathers/father figures. Beatrix's advice to let children, especially sons, cry was poignant and wise. And what a window on Amy's incredible creativity - being raised by grandparents - Grandpa was a junk man & Grandma was a tightrope walker. For those of us who know & love her, that explains a lot. The Idiosyncratic Fashionistas

  • Cour

    well discussed

  • James Cash

    No wonder good mens are MGTOW

  • Tony

    I have searched and searched for literature dealing with the rarity of a woman who doesn't share her emotions. I can't even get a single hit on google, no matter how i try to word that idea. I dated a woman a few years ago who I loved very deeply. But she kept her inner world hidden inside her to the point that I often found myself wondering if she had any emotional depth to share. Strangely our emotional stereotypes were reversed. I would desire her to tell me about herself, her day and her feelings often, while she seemed content with my company and sex. Are some women just this way or was she hiding from me? I would appreciate your insight. I still love her very much, but i couldn't handle how lonely her silence made me feel so I chose to leave.

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