Elisa Goodkind
I've Been Misbehaved My Whole Life

I created an outfit for our special series of Dailies that we made with Wildfang in order to celebrate women who are redefining femininity. You can see my other Dailies here. xo - Elisa

See more women who are redefining femininity
Check out my Tomboy Tee
My video was edited by Andrea Cruz

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  • Hopesprings

    Not that this is a unique concept but, in fact, has been written about quite extensively since I was first hitting puberty which coincided with the "Second Wave" of feminism, BUT, as a woman who eventually wound up quite well endowed, "busty", as it were, I have nonetheless ALWAYS wished for much smaller breasts! Since I've also always been told by others, as well as always seen myself, as much more androgynous, a "Tom Boy", too, in many ways, in my energy and vibe than many other women with my particular curves and shape, I've actually always envied the women considered 'without' cleavage and who could go bra-less and pass "the pencil test". As women, we are almost always taught, actively or via the messages that get through from the beginning, to be dissatisfied with whatever it is we naturally have (and for the men who are into style, themselves, like my now grown son is, it effects them, too, 'tho not nearly as much, of course!) and most especially if our body's natural state is somehow at "odds" with our own self image and sense of our style. So, I have forever "lusted" after a flatter chest and smaller hips, at times dieting and exercising myself into some measure of that image, but never achieving my ideal chest size "goal" because of the women on both sides of my family. Interestingly, of my two daughters, one is more like I am and the other is my own personal "ideal". My only two first cousins, both grown women, inherited the smaller chest size from our shared great-grandmother, and one has been just fine with her body and yet the other had her breasts enlarged. Millions of women worldwide spend their dollars to get their own breasts almost always increased in size to satisfy what's in *their* mind's eye, and I fervently try to not judge them for their very personal decision. It's ironic, isn't it; I'm well aware that *my* desires are the general opposite of what western ideals of sexiness have become and that plays into how I may feel about my looks and my style on any given day. I have related very much to what Lily has shared in these pages about body image, her natural curves and how it's colored her self image and still feel a bit embarrassed that, if money was no object, I would be seriously considering a breast reduction so that my ideal style in my mind matched my outward appearance. THEN I start to castigate myself about being just like the women who feel the need to go under the knife for all sorts of reasons having to do with aging, our own ideals of beauty, style and grace, and the often painstaking endeavor to separate what we FEEL from our INSIDES alone (our "true" nature matching our external appearance) from what we've absorbed from the countless images and messages that we've been fed. How do we know what's genuine, what's bullshit and where they become one? Although I'm VERY aware that it's not at all of the same gravity as someone who feels that they've been born into the wrong gender's body and the self-loathing, pain and agony that that journey causes someone, I *have* come to think about how this outward appearance vs. inner sense of self and the ways that it can't be changed by the donning of a different shirt, cutting one's hair, or what shoes vs. boots we wear, the actual natural shape of a woman's body and whether we have a lot or no cleavage, curvy or straight hips, and the rest, actually is in the same general "ball park" and is something that some of us bear our whole adult lives. And now I've been struggling with spinal issues and have had recent big-time surgery; I am hoping and sending out my intention (some would call it praying) that I continue to heal enough so that my life-long love of every imaginable kind of shoe and boot, from my first pair of men's Frye boots at age twelve (it was before they made them in women's sizes; thank G-d I've had "big" feet, too, since age ten ;-)!) to my kick-ass heels, which I love wearing especially because of that aforementioned "androgynous" vibe I seem to cast, will again be in my repertoire of my daily costume. THAT, I AM able to change and control, without surgery. You just won't be seeing me without wearing a bra ;-). Dammit

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